7 Reasons why Jurassic World is a Health and Safety Nightmare!

Yes, I know - it should have been titled Jurassic Park 4....
Yes, I know – it should have been titled Jurassic Park 4….

After missing Jurassic World at the cinema, I’ve finally seen it. I realise I maybe the last person on the planet interested in this film to actually sit down and watch it, therefore any review I post would just be a bit like locking a barn door after the horse has bolted. Therefore, dear readers, I thought an imaginative viewpoint was needed to make this post stand out.

Now, please do not get me wrong, I loved this film. Chris Pratt has had a totally stratospheric rise to the top of Hollywood in the past two years, and this film is definitely no exception. However, despite loving the film – I couldn’t help but notice a few things that the health and safety brigade might have to say about some of the circumstances of the film. So, purely tongue in cheek I present to you seven reasons why Jurassic World is a total health and safety nightmare.

ALERT: If you haven’t guessed, this post contains massive spoilers if you haven’t seen the film – you have been warned!!

1: There was only one small door in the dinosaur enclosure.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: ****

This is a total schoolboy error and something the health and safety brigade would have clearly jumped upon had they known. The dinosaur breaks loose because the one small exit for humans is blocked and therefore the bigger door is opened. Clearly there should have been more than one exit for them to use that would allow them to escape and not the carnivorous monster. Though we would have struggled for a film without it….

2: The one helicopter trained person was not properly trained.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: ***

The park spans a massive zone and yet only one, not trained properly person, can actually operate a helicopter. I can only hope that this was because the other guy, feeling particularly guilty in light of the events, was on holiday. Though not totally major, this is still a health and safety concern.

3: The sphere didn’t have an automatic safety override when being called back.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: *****

OK, seriously I don’t get it. We have iPhones, iPads, CCTV everywhere – we practically run on technology – and yet this sphere, clearly more technologically advanced than we currently are, does NOT have an automatic override. So hard to believe, I do believe the Health and Safety brigade have just had several seizures and and a panic attack. Did these spheres ever actually reach back to the base they were in – or did people just go home with their souvenir afterwards??

4: The voice radios didn’t work in an emergency.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: ****

Quite a major flaw here. Surely there must have been another frequency they could use. How are they supposed to communicate otherwise? I know the dinosaur was a thinking being, but seriously it’s not an alien like Independence Day. No amount of genetic mutation could ever block those lines surely. Another health and safety risk assessment factor failed in this reviewer’s book.

5: The van didn’t have seatbelts for the children or locking doors.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: *****

Another top level health and safety breach here. Seatbelts? Locking doors? All essential driving components, even in vans. Especially the locking doors. Maybe Auntie Claire forgot – though by this point you’d think she’d know better. If you really wanted to be picky you’d also argue the point about the discharge of the high voltage equipment – which the children manage very easily. If the health and safety brigade aren’t practically hyperventilating by now…..

6: No adequate head protection when riding a motorbike.

Health and Safety Nightmare Rating: Why bother?

With everything else that has come before it, I don’t think the health and safety brigade would even bother with this flaw. I suspect the risk assessment guy would just go ‘Hey, what the hell’ and let this go. Let’s be honest, it’s not as if he’s had much impact so far….

7: Improper use of firearms.

Well, hey, why not. There’s got to be a few examples of that in there somewhere….

So – in conclusion, whilst politically correct, health and safety nuts would probably sue the ass off of Jurassic World for the disaster that befalls the film – it makes a bloody good film….

Jurassic World is out to buy and rent online, on DVD and Blu-Ray now!